In All Honesty...

...things have been really tough lately. Hannah has stopped napping in her crib and can't seem to self soothe anymore. The other day this lead to 4 hours of screaming on her part (with me checking on her and nursing her), and a migraine for me. Mason was at work, but thankfully I have some pretty amazing friends who saved me from myself. I have a hard time asking for help because I don't want to bring anyone else into our crazy. Especially if they have kids of their own. I know they're more likely to understand what we're going through if they have kids, but I also know that adding one or two more to their mix is a lot to ask. Luckily they could sense my desperation and just came over anyway. Thank god. It was one of those "I'm at the end of my rope and it's only 9am" days. It's no fun to doubt your abilities as a mother. When your 3 year old is asking you why you're sad and giving you hugs and his favorite toy to make you feel better, something needs to change. Zane took this photo of his sister - look how red her eyes are! She's exhausted! SLEEEEEP little girl!

That was the worst day. The past 2 have been better, mainly because Mason is home and can help me. Hannah has taken a few naps in her crib but we have to rock her completely to sleep before easing her out of our arms and tiptoeing away while praying our knees don't crack and wake her up. Our actions are not helping with her learning to self soothe, but honestly, I can't take another 4 hours of screaming. One of my new favorite blogs is Rants from Mommyland. One of her phrases to describe her daughter is "a cupcake baked by the devil." I know exactly what this means. I love my little girl, but good lord. Nights are no picnic either...it's now considered a good night if she only wakes up 3 times.

 Zane has been mostly great through all of this. We've been watching an embarrassing amount to TV, but what can you do? We did discover a new favorite cartoon though. It's called Oscar's Oasis and I think Mason and I like it just as much as Zane.

 Here's an accurate picture of what the last 2 weeks have been like. One of us stuck with Hannah, either lounging (preferably) or pacing, to keep her happy, and Zane using all the possible space in the house to store his toys. He's in the "tent" in this photo - you can see his foot sticking out.

We are reassured by moments like these:

She has started to laugh! It sounds more like a cackle, which makes it even better. We'll be OK, it's just not very fun right now. Repeat the mantra: It can only get better. So sorry if we haven't responded to phone calls or e-mails. In our spare time (haha) we prefer to sit in silence or sleep :)

4 months (a little late)

The munchkin is 4 months old! She is rolling both front to back and back to front, has her hands in her mouth ALL the time, likes to chat and smile, and is very observant. She likes the baby in the mirror. Yesterday she grabbed her foot, but hasn't done it again...could have been an accident. 

All was well at her checkup. The doc is very pleased with her progress, and would be surprised by her size if it weren't for Zane. She's 14lb 15oz (80th percentile) and 27.5in (100+ percentile).

She still wakes up several times a night. Usually she goes down at 7pm and sleeps until 12-1, and is then up every 3 hours after that. Sometimes she wakes up a few extra times to yell. Needless to say, the bags under our eyes have never been bigger and cognitive thought has never been lower.

This post is a few days late due to hacking/new computer/software uploading issues...all is well now.

Trick or Treat

Hannah wasn't a fan of her sea otter costume so this is the best photo I got.

 It's been very wet lately, so to play it safe and make sure the kids got to trick or treat, we met up with some friends at the Kennedy School to have some indoor fun. The kids had a blast and as an added bonus, the parents got to walk around with their own liquid treats. From L to R is Asoka (a Star Wars alien), Lightening McQueen, and Harry Potter. Not sure who that adorable little bee is.

 The the weather cleared so we were able to walk around the neighborhoods too! "More candy!", as Zane said.

 Think he's having fun?